The Titans
So I cut off his head, he falls forward. But he's
still standing.
XENA
(to Gabrielle) I want you to take care of the horse.
Are you hungry? Let's get you a snack.
Now, once we meet up with Creon and his men,
we can get down to some serious looting.
There may be a change of plans.
HESIOT
Xena. Don't you ever give up?
XENA
On you, Hesiot? No. You're special to me.
Get her!
XENA
Come on.
EXTRA
She can't take all of us.
Get her! Come on!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
How about here?
Let me help you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Surround her!
I said get off there!
I said get off! So long, Xena!
EXTRA
Come back here! Bring back my horse, you thief!
What have you been doing with my horse?
GABRIELLE
You told me to take care of her.
XENA
Well, you gave Hesiot a fine start.
GABRIELLE
Sorry.
XENA
Don't be sorry, Gabrielle. Just improve. Come on.
Hey!
"EfkarISto paraPOli. ETsi kay ETsi. YAsoo kalaMEra.
YAsoo kalaNICta. YAsoo kalaNOches!"
"EfkarISto paraPOli. ETsi kay ETsi. YAsoo kalaMEra.
YAsoo kalaNICta. YAsoo kalaNOches! EfkarISto
paraPOli. ETsi kay ETsi. YAsoo kalaMEra. YAsoo
kalaNICta. YAsoo kalaNOches!"
Try it once more, this time faster.
CALCHAS
Faster, slower. What difference does it make?
The chant doesn't work. This is a waste of our
time. Let's go.
PHILIUS
No, please! It's worth trying again. You're all
aware of the problems in our village. If this can
work, it may solve everything.
CALCHAS
But it doesn't work.
PHILIUS
I think it will, if it's read correctly.
CALCHAS
She's read it five different ways. What could be
the problem?
GABRIELLE
Huh! The rhythms. I know this is really rude, but,
well, he's right. She's not reading it correctly.
Well, that's a Dorian chant, and she's using Ionian
rhythms. I--I've made quite a study of this. Shall
I try? Hmm. "EfkarISto paRApoli. Etsi kay etsi.
YAsoo kalamera. YAsoo kalanicta. YAsoo kalanoches!"
You see, you just put the emphasis on the first syllable.
They're huge!
CRIUS
Which one of you was the liberator of the Titans?
This virgin.
We honour you, oh Sacred Goddess. Tell us your
name, so we may honour it as a holy word.
GABRIELLE
Gabrielle.
CRIUS
We are your servants. Whatever you desire, we
will fulfill. Give us your commands.
GABRIELLE
All right.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
Come on. Ya! Ya!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where are your men?
CREON
They're coming. I rode ahead. What's the matter?
Somebody after you.
HESIOT
Yeah.
CREON
How many?
HESIOT
One.
CREON
One?! What's the problem? There's two of us!
Because, that's the one.
CREON
I'll take care of her.
You let me walk out of here, or I cut his throat.
XENA
All right, you got me.
Go ahead! I'll just sit here nice and quiet.
What're you gonna do with him?
XENA
Let him learn a lesson.
BARKEEP
Are you a bounty hunter?
XENA
No, I just like seeing murdering thieves put where
they belong.
Huh? Hey, what's going on?
HESIOT
Looks like the tide has turned, Xena, ha-ha-ha.
CREON
Take her!
HESIOT
No, no, no. Let me go Xena. Even I'm not worth
taking on a dozen men all on your own.
She's not on her own.
CREON
You gonna smite us, little girl?
GABRIELLE
No.
He is.
Disperse these ruffians!
Get off of me!
EXTRA
Run!
EXTRA
Out of my way!
EXTRA
Come on!
EXTRA
Hurry!
They're Titans. They scared me at first, too, but
they're really very nice. This is Xena! She's my
best friend!
CRIUS
We honour all friends of the virgin goddess.
GABRIELLE
You know, I'd--I'd rather you not tell everybody
I'm a virgin. It's kind of personal, you know what
I mean?
CRIUS
Whatever you say, O Sacred One.
PHILIUS
Don't be afraid. The Titans are our friends. They're
gonna help us with our problems.
GABRIELLE
Yeah. (to Crius) You! Clear the well Philius told
us about! And, wh--what was the other thing?
PHILIUS
The dam needs to be fortified.
GABRIELLE
Right, the dam. (to Hyperion) You! Get some
big boulders and plop them down where they'll
do the most good! Oh, and that road we passed
was covered with the mud slide. You can do that
after the dam. And then, I'll see you when your
chores are done.
THEA
Yes, sacred one.
Don't tarry! You don't want to make the goddess
cross, do you?
HESIOT
Goddess, hah! She's-
Oooh!
On behalf of everyone here let me extend the
thanks of our entire community.
GABRIELLE
Think nothing of it. I'm happy I could help out.
XENA
May I speak with you for one moment, O Sacred One?
GABRIELLE
Of course.
RHODOS
Let's give a cheer to the liberator of the Titans!
"Talk to you when you're done with your chores?"
I'm Hyperion, sun Titan, lord of the skies! Why
am I playing in the mud?
Titaness, it's been a long time in those rocks.
CRIUS
The goddess said we're to clear this road!
HYPERION
I don't believe she is a goddess.
CRIUS
Of course she is. She liberated us, didn't she?
We should do as we're told.
THEA
We'll have time for this later. Crius is right. We
should do as the goddess desires.
HYPERION
The goddess desires that we help humans.
CRIUS
Well, that's just fine with me. I always liked them.
HYPERION
I despise them.
THEA
Well, the sacred one is obviously their friend. We
best not incur her wrath. She may appear
sweet, but, who knows what destructive powers
she may possess?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you.
EXTRA
This is for you.
Please, please. I'm not looking for worldly rewards.
I'll be satisfied if I can make your little community
whole again with the help of the Titans, of course.
And I don't plan to stop here. No. I'm gonna take
the Titans with me, throughout the world, solving
mankind's problems wherever we go.
PHILIUS
We could start a new era of peace and hope.
GABRIELLE
Yes, and we'll start by tearing down all the forts
and armaments.
You're amused.
HESIOT
That one Titan, the one who wasn't happy with
you ordering him around, he didn't seem like
the peace and hope type to me.
GABRIELLE
Then what are you saying?
XENA
He's saying that he recognizes a kindred spirit
when he sees one. Maybe there's a reason that
the gods encased them in stone.
GABRIELLE
No, you're wrong. I trust them, Xena. You're just
being too cynical.
XENA
Do you realize the power you hold?
GABRIELLE
Mmm, yes.
XENA
It's a big responsibility.
PHILIUS
She's up to it. She can do anything.
XENA
How long do you think you can go on convincing
them that you're a goddess?
PHILIUS
If anyone can do it, it's her. She has the aura of
a goddess.
They're back.
XENA
(to Rhodes) You, watch him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finished? Well, uh, why don't you take a rest for
a while, until I can think of what you should do next.
CRIUS
Yes, oh Holy One.
GABRIELLE
Call me Gabrielle. You can save the holy stuff
for formal occasions.
CRIUS
Gabrielle, we're hungry.
GABRIELLE
Oh, of course. You must be starving after being
entombed for centuries. You know, I'm sure that
the villagers wouldn't mind if you shared with them.
HYPERION
Share...with the villagers?
THEA
Shh.
HYPERION
That's not what we really had in mind.
GABRIELLE
And what do you suggest?
HYPERION
That you use your godly powers to create a feast
for us.
GABRIELLE
My "godly powers"? Um, you know, I don't use
my powers in that way. I consider it showing off.
CRIUS
We understand. We'll eat with the villagers.
HYPERION
No!
THEA
Shhh!
HYPERION
I want the goddess to make some food appear.
GABRIELLE
You know, you had better be careful, 'cause I
might use my powers all right, and you can be
very sorry when I do.
THEA
Of course, Hyperion didn't mean anything by it.
GABRIELLE
Well, then I'll let it pass. But the next time-
She's not a goddess! How could I blow a goddess
down? She's a mere mortal. And she was giving
orders to Titans, lords of the Earth. We're
gonna take all the food in this village. And nobody
better get in our way.
And you, come with us.
XENA
No, she's not going anywhere.
HYPERION
Who are you?
XENA
Let's just say, I'm the sacred one's protector.
HYPERION
Protector? You're gonna protect her from us?
XENA
If I have to.
ACT TWO
Come on, let's get out of here!
Come on!
EXTRA
He'll kill us.
EXTRA
Come on, hurry!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
We'll be safe in here!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Out!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hurry, move!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've got an idea! Follow me!
GABRIELLE
Hurry!
PHILIUS
Whoa!
Why's he leaving?
PHILIUS
The Titans won't attack this temple. It honors
their brother, Cronus. This is holy ground for
them, too.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I believe Crius is still in love with you, Thea.
THEA
He loves me as a friend should.
HYPERION
Was it a friendly look you were giving her just
now? You never look at me like that.
Where are you going?
HYPERION
I want the woman warrior dead. She stands
between us and the little goddess. We still
need her for the second chant! You do agree
with that, don't you?
Good. Now, I'll leave you two alone to enjoy your friendship.
Help!
EXTRA
Let us in, please!
More homeless. Come in. Find a place wherever
you can.
Better?
Mortals! I want the woman warrior. Until I have
her, I will destroy every human I see. Those who
bring her to me, I will make kings of the Earth.
FIRST WOMAN
Why don't you just leave, and take her with you!
When I discovered that chant, I thought I was
gonna bring back the golden age of man. Instead,
I've ruined the world.
GABRIELLE
How could you have known? Saving the world
is a very attractive idea.
PHILIUS
It's nice of you to say that, but there's no way
around it. It's all my fault.
GABRIELLE
No, when they thought that I was still a goddess,
I could have done something to head this off.
PHILIUS
You're such a noble spirit.
HESIOT
You're both a couple of idiots, if you ask me.
GABRIELLE
If you wanna rough him up a little, Xena, I won't
be judgmental.
HESIOT
Rough me up? No, she doesn't do that sort of
stuff anymore. Right, Xena? Ah, it's a rotten pity,
too. Opportunity knocks, as we speak. The old
Xena would know what to do.
XENA
What do you mean by that?
HESIOT
The Titans. I mean, they'll need an ally among
the humans. They already know how formidable
you are. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And, uh,
if you need a lieutenant, I volunteer.
SECOND WOMAN
No!
XENA
What's going on?
FIRST WOMAN
Some of the village children went on a holy walk
today with one of our priests. They haven't returned.
SECOND WOMAN
I know the Titans must have got them.
(to Rhodos) Guard this prisoner and be very
careful, he's a dangerous man. You.
You cause any trouble while I'm gone, and you'll
see more of the old Xena than you ever wanted.
What is it, Hyperion?
HYPERION
Can't you hear it?
THEA
Oh, yes. Children.
HYPERION
Human children.
Now, come on, children, stick to the path. We
want to be back to the village before sundown.
No dawdling.
EXTRA
I'm scared!
EXTRA
Look! There's nothing to-
-w-w-worry about. Ah-h-h! Run! Run, children!
Run for your lives!
Hyperion! What are you going to do?
HYPERION
Kill them.
Why?!
HYPERION
I told those who were hiding in the temple that
I planned to destroy everything human until they
gave us the warrior woman. I keep my word.
THEA
But children, Hyperion, why children?
HYPERION
Saves us trouble later on.
No!
Get away from them!
THEA
Stop it, you two!
HYPERION
You dare to defy Hyperion, the sun Titan?!
CRIUS
Yes!
HYPERION
Then pay the consequences!
(to Rhodos) He said he'd make you a king. Give
them Xena. Listen, you want to go up against a
force like that? Hey, if it's Xena you're afraid of,
I can help. Like she said, I'm a very dangerous man.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
XENA
Come on, kids! Let's get you out of here! One
at a time! Run, now!
No, please!
Hyperion, what have you done?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Come on kids, get inside!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mommy! Mommy, I'm home!
Hold it!
What are you doing?! She saved our children!
RHODOS
We need to appease the Titans. We can never
beat them!
XENA
Hesiot!
HESIOT
You've done the right thing! Rhodos and I will
take her to the Titans and tell them that you helped
us capture her. Woe to you who opposed us.
XENA
Swine!
HESIOT
Well, Xena you'll soon be in good hands.
ACT THREE
Are we just gonna walk in there?
HESIOT
Hey, remember, pretty soon you're gonna be King
Rhodos, huh? It's got a nice ring to it, huh?
RHODOS
King Rhodos.
HESIOT
You hear that, Xena?! You're making us royalty!
Ah, we're doing what you should have done, Xena.
We're dealing with the Titans! You should've
listened to me, Xena.
RHODOS
You think they'll let me have Sparta as my kingdom?
HESIOT
Just Sparta?
RHODOS
Maybe Sparta and Argos.
HESIOT
Ah, see, now you're thinking like a king.
I'll go and tell 'em we've got her. When I give a
yell, you bring her out.
RHODOS
Right.
Hello, there. Hello. My name is Hesiot and I have
some good news for you. I've brought you the
warrior woman.
HYPERION
Where is she?
HESIOT
Uh, you'll have her in a moment. I--I just wanna
make sure we've got a deal, here. I don't really
expect you to make me a king. I--I just want to
be your associate. You'll find me invaluable. I
have no scruples whatsoever.
HYPERION
Fine, you sound like a useful ally. I'll take
care of you. Now where is the woman?
HESIOT
All right, Rhodos, bring her on! Ah, this other guy
is definitely expendable, if you know what I mean.
I present to you Xena, the Warrior Princess!
We'd be better off!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thea, you have to stop talking this nonsense. Thea!
THEA
First you kill Crius, then you swat those two men
out there like they were flies!
HYPERION
They were less than flies! It's done! Can't you
see, none of this will bring Crius back?! I need
your help. Going against the gods will be next
to impossible without you by my side. I depend
on you so much.
THEA
You shouldn't have killed Crius!
HYPERION
He was weak! He liked humans.
THEA
Maybe I do too!
HYPERION
No, Thea! They're cowards and thieves, like those
two I just crushed! Do you think any of them would
ever have mercy on us if they thought they could
profit by our demise?! We have to be strong, Thea.
The humans will only get in our way in our war
against the gods!
THEA
We'll never win against the gods if you keep
killing your compatriots!
HYPERION
He was one Titan! Soon, we will awaken hundreds!
You betrayed someone who saved our children.
Now you wanna bring us further disgrace by
turning two more innocent people over to the Titans.
FIRST WOMAN
The Titans are indestructible. We have to get in
good with them. Now, we've already given them
the warrior woman. If we bring them these two,
they might take mercy on us.
XENA
Wrong.
GABRIELLE
Xena!
EXTRA
She's back!
PHILIUS
She got away!
GABRIELLE
After you've been around her for a while, you come
to expect these things.
XENA
The Titans will have no mercy on any man. The
two men who brought me to them...they're now
just stains in the dirt and it's going to get worse.
There are hundreds of sleeping Titans
in the cavern. Hyperion plans to awaken them all.
FIRST WOMAN
Forgive us, Xena. Is there something we can
do to help?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're running out of materials. I could go down
to the village and get some ropes and planks.
FIRST WOMAN
I'll go with you.
XENA
Good. Let's all try and get some sleep. We'll
finish this when they return.
GABRIELLE
Xena, Philius has something to tell you. He figured
this out while we were working. He's so brilliant!
PHILIUS
I couln't have done it without you, Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE
Oh, don't be silly, I didn't help that much.
PHILIUS
No, you supplied the inspiration!
XENA
All right! Let's hear it.
PHILIUS
There's another chant. If said correctly, it might
turn them back into stone. The chant is on a
scroll underneath the altar in the cavern. It needs
to be read by someone with a proper understanding
of Dorian rhythms.
GABRIELLE
In other words, me.
XENA
Forget it, too risky.
GABRIELLE
I won't be captured. I'll wait 'til their asleep, and
then I'll sneak in.
XENA
Forget it, Gabrielle!
She has no respect for me.
PHILIUS
Hey, come on, let's find somewhere to get some rest.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, come on. You ready?
Is it time?
XENA
Yeah.
What's the matter?
XENA
Nothing, I just-
GABRIELLE
Thought I did something without thinking?
XENA
Well, if you did, it's none of my business.
GABRIELLE
Yeah, that's right, it isn't!
XENA
Look, if this is about what I said before, I was tired.
GABRIELLE
You think I'm just a kid.
XENA
No I don't. I just don't have time to convince you
right now. We've got work to do.
Hah!
Hello, Gabrielle.
END OF ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
I'm very pleased, Thea.
Don't be frightened, Gabrielle. We're not gonna
hurt you. Right, Hyperion?
HYPERION
Right, right, right. Here it is. Read it!
GABRIELLE
What is it?
HYPERION
Just read it.
I don't know this kind of language.
HYPERION
You knew that language before. Now, read it!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
She's gone!
XENA
She must be trying to prove herself to me.
VILLAGER #2
It's ready.
XENA
Good. If the Titans caught her, we could be facing
thousands by now. On the bright side, if anyone
can stall, it's Gabrielle.
Cronus was furious as Zeus was trying to usurp
his power. So he called all the Titans together
in a great war council. Atlas was appointed the
field general, because he was the greatest warrior of all.
THEA
Hyperion would have made a much better choice.
GABRIELLE
Oh, of course.
THEA
Doesn't she tell it well?
HYPERION
Yeah. Now, read the chant!
GABRIELLE
Don't you want to hear how Zeus got the thunderbolt?
THEA
Yes.
HYPERION
No.
GABRIELLE
I was just about to get to Prometheus.
HYPERION
I know all about Prometheus! Just read it!
GABRIELLE
Okay, okay!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here we are.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"HeriTAH HeriTAH, HeriTAH. YAsoo HeriTAH.
CAli HeriTAH."
Read it again, this time, slower.
GABRIELLE
"HeriTAHyperion-"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"-HeriTAH, HeriTAH. YAsoo HeriTAH. CAli HeriTAH."
XENA
Now get it into place.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Read it again, this time put the emphasis on
the first syllable. Read it!
GABRIELLE
"HERitah, HERitah, HERitah. YAsoo HERitah.
CAli HeriTAH." Maybe you've got the wrong chant.
HYPERION
It's the right chant! If said correctly by a virgin, it
should release the other Titans!
GABRIELLE
Well, there's your problem. I'm not a virgin anymore.
HYPERION
You little harlot.
THEA
What are you going to do?
HYPERION
I'm gonna send her to Hades.
THEA
No, Hyperion, you said you wouldn't hurt her.
HYPERION
She's useless to us now.
THEA
Hyperion, please.
You!
GABRIELLE
Xena!
Now!
No! Please don't kill him!
Here, it's the chant that will turn us back to stone.
HYPERION
It has to be read by the same virgin who released
us. It won't work now.
GABRIELLE
Yes, it will! I deliberately mis-read that other chant.
Gabrielle, this is the chant! "MuPOlita, MuPOlita."
GABRIELLE
"MuPOlita, MuPOlita."
"HAnia eRAklion."
GABRIELLE
"HAnia eRAklion."
XENA
There's a piece missing!
GABRIELLE
There's a piece...missing! These things are
never easy.
Yes.
HYPERION
Watch your friend die with all your hopes.
Read!
GABRIELLE
"ELius MOtanis YAsoo, YAsoo."
And Xena gave me the scroll just in time. She
saved the day as usual.
PHILIUS
She couldn't have done it without you.
GABRIELLE
You're right. You were almost my first.
PHILIUS
And you were almost mine.
Are you ready?
XENA
Will be, as soon as you answer one question.
GABRIELLE
What's that?
XENA
Why did you risk your life by going into that cavern alone?
GABRIELLE
I wanted to make up for what I did, so that you
wouldn't hate me.
XENA
For your information, I could never hate you.
Your heart's always in the right place.
GABRIELLE
Even when I tried to rule the world with the Titans?
XENA
Everybody makes mistakes.
GABRIELLE
Well, what about when I got myself kidnapped
so I could stop a war.
XENA
Hey, that took a lot of guts on your part.
GABRIELLE
What about when I--I got your horse's reins tangled?
XENA
Look, the point is we're friends. And, we shouldn't
let things like that come between us. Come
on. Gabrielle?
GABRIELLE
Yeah?
XENA
Don't you ever touch my horse again.
GABRIELLE
Right.
STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
GUEST CAST
Mark Raffety as Hyperion
Amanda Tollemache as Thea
Edward Campbell as Crius
Andy Anderson as Hesiot
Paolo Rotondo as Philius
Syd Mannion as Calchas
David Mackie as Rhodos
Jack Dacey as Creon
Sian Hughes as Young Woman
Peter Morgan as Barkeep
Maggie Tarver as Villager #1
Simon Cameron as Villager #2
Tania Anderson as First Woman
Julianne Evans as Second Woman
Written by: R.J. Stewart
Directed by: Eric Brevig
