The Ides of March
I wanna die! Please! Ple-e-e-ease! I wanna die!
Who's suffering now Callisto?
No-o-o-o-o-o!
Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!
And you thought you were getting oblivion. Well
this place makes Tartarus look like a day at the
beach. How long ya in for? Eternity? That's gotta smart.
Get over it!
NAILSCOT
I'm doomed to be obsessed for eternity with a
woman who despises me! What a nightmare!
CALLISTO
No kidding.
NAILSCOT
You'd think after what I told Him about you, that
you would give me more respect.
CALLISTO
Him? You mean Him.
NAILSCOT
He's come to trust me. I have His ear from time
to time. I told Him your desire.
CALLISTO
You mean, He's gonna let me go back.
NAILSCOT
Well, He shares with you an interest in Xena.
She's someone He thought He had in His grasp,
but now He's not so sure.
CALLISTO
You mean to tell me those stupid, maudlin
missions she goes on are gonna end her up in
paradise?!
NAILSCOT
Probably not paradise. Most likely she'll be born
higher up the karmic ladder.
CALLISTO
Oh. Right, she cooks my family, destroys
my life and I end up in Hell while
she gets another shot. That's fair.
Gotta love the irony.
You tell Him if He wants her here, I'm the woman
for that job.
NAILSCOT
You must not harm her physically in any way.
Your victory must be a spiritual one. She's found
a road to redemption, the way of the warrior.
You'll need to get her off that path. And you
have to agree to take care of one other thing for Him.
CALLISTO
Yes? What's that?
NAILSCOT
You know the man they call Caesar?
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That Xena can really mess up a dream, can't she?
CAESAR
Who are you? How do you know about my dreams?
CALLISTO
I know everything about your life, Caesar. What
it's been and what it can be. I'm here to help you
get everything you've ever desired. It's through
me you finally fulfill your destiny. I can give
you ultimate power and free you from your greatest torment.
CAESAR
Xena.
CALLISTO
Yes, Xena. I can't tell you how much we have in
common in that way.
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Let me guess. This Eli guy, he's the one that
taught you all this 'love your enemy' stuff?
XENA
That's right.
AMARICE
Xena, why do we have to go see a preacher,
when there are battles to fight, butts to kick?
XENA
'Cause whatever Gabrielle wants, Gabrielle gets.
(to a dockhand) Excuse me, when's the next
ship for Athens?
What'd you do that for? I had him.
GABRIELLE
Right.
XENA
Ah-h-h-h!
Alexander, boy, where are you? We have to leave.
What do you want with me?
SPEARMAN
Caesar's reward. Six million dinars.
GABRIELLE
Six million dinars?
AMARICE
That's quite a temptation.
Not for me, for every killer in Europe.
XENA
So, it's come to this. Caesar wants me out of the
way so bad he's willing to deplete his fortune to
do it. Hmm. I think it's time I put an end to this
feud between Caesar and me.
You're not gonna try to make peace with that
slime, are you?
XENA
No. I'm going to kill him.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
Xena. Xena, you can't just walk into Rome and
kill Caesar.
AMARICE
It's an opportunity to kill a lot of Romans. I say
we do it.
XENA
We're not doing anything. I'm going to Rome,
not you. Gabrielle I can't take you, not after that vision.
AMARICE
What vision?
XENA
I had a vision once that Gabrielle and I would die
at the hands of Romans. It's bad enough that we
can run into Romans anywhere, but if you and I
were to go to Rome-
GABRIELLE
Okay, well, what if I ask you not to do this?
XENA
Gabrielle, he's an evil man, and he's trying
to kill me. I have to take him out or die trying. It's
the way of the warrior.
AMARICE
Was I in this vision?
XENA
No.
AMARICE
Then I should go with you.
XENA
Amarice, you're staying here with Gabrielle.
AMARICE
As her bodyguard?
XENA
As her friend. You could learn something if you
listened to her once in a while. (to Gabrielle)
You promise you won't follow me?
GABRIELLE
I promise. Xena, be careful.
There's Xena's head.
Kill him.
WARLORD
Huh?! No! No!
EXTRA
Move it!
CAESAR
Take 'Xena' with you.
Please, no!
I did as you said. So far I've had eight
impostors try to claim the reward. Xena will defeat
any mercenary who attacks her.
CALLISTO
Of course. The reward was just to get her attention.
She will come to you. You need to be ready.
CAESAR
Yes. Well, I've made plans for that, of course.
CALLISTO
Oh, really. Well, I suggest you just have
one more card to play.
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It's him. It's Eli.
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Your heart is pure, Mazin. Abba, make Mazin's
body as whole as his spirit.
Rise, Mazin.
Holy!
EXTRA
Praise the gods.
ELI
It's done. You're healed.
EXTRA
Thank you.
ELI
You're welcome. Now, go. Good luck. Go. Go.
Gabrielle.
Eli.
Oh-h-h-h. I'm so happy to see you.
GABRIELLE
I heard you were teaching in Greece. I set out
to find you.
ELI
Where's Xena?
GABRIELLE
She, um, has some work to do. This is my friend, Amarice.
ELI
Hello, Amarice.
If somebody threatened your mother, would
you fight to defend her.
GABRIELLE
Amarice and I have some philosophical differences.
ELI
I see. We've got a lot to talk about. Come on.
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Can you teach me to heal?
ELI
All I can do is try and teach you how to love. But
if you love with all your heart and soul, if you become
love itself, then you can heal.
GABRIELLE
Why is love the key?
ELI
Selfless, pure love is the only expression
of divine perfection we have in this world. It's the
greatest power one can possess.
AMARICE
Oh, come on. The only real power's at the end
of a sword.
Did you hear that?
GABRIELLE
What?
AMARICE
Boots.
And if the other side has more swords?
AMARICE
If you can love your way out of this one, be my guest.
Brutus.
BRUTUS
Hello, Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE
You're doing Caesar's bidding again?
BRUTUS
Caesar believes Xena is trying to kill him.
He has to protect himself.
GABRIELLE
With me. I understand. Let these people go.
BRUTUS
My orders are to arrest you, Eli and his followers.
You'll be taken as hostages against Xena killing
Caesar. Caesar's promised me no one will be hurt.
GABRIELLE
And you believe him.
BRUTUS
Our friends are at war, Gabrielle. I'm sorry this
brings us into conflict, but it's inevitable.
GABRIELLE
Of course it is.
BRUTUS
Move.
EXTRA
Let's go!
BRUTUS
Come on.
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Who the-
XENA
At ease.
Oh! Oh!
Let's make this short and sweet.
Brings back memories doesn't it Xena?
ACT TWO
Guards!
XENA
Ah-h-h-h-h-h!
Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h!
This way!
EXTRA
Look behind every arch!
EXTRA
Watch it!
EXTRA
Come on! Keep looking!
My, that was a shocker now, wasn't it?
Ah-h-h-h!
Don't bother. You've already done all the damage
you can to me. Thanks, by the way.
XENA
For what?
CALLISTO
I wanted to cease existing and you did your best
to help, but as you can see, it didn't take. They
wouldn't let me off the hook that easy.
XENA
Who's 'they'?
CALLISTO
I don't know. Whoever it is that does the final judging.
They sent me to a place that makes Tartarus look
like...the Elysian Fields. They call it Hell.
XENA
Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal.
The one who runs things down where I come from,
He's very interested in what happens in this life.
He figures Caesar will be very valuable to Him.
And, of course, He also figures you might be an obstacle.
XENA
Then he figures right. And I won't be the only one.
Plenty of people will oppose Caesar becoming emperor.
Ah, you know about the emperor thing.
The laurel wreath kinda gave it away. I'm guessing
that he'll announce it when the senate reconvenes
on the ides of March.
CALLISTO
My, aren't you the clever girl? Yes, some people
will be unhappy, but everybody has their price,
even the honourable Brutus. Caesar's gonna give
him Gaul and that should keep him smiling. But
it's you, my darling. It's you that I'm worried about.
I'm here to make you an offer.
XENA
Forget it.
CALLISTO
Afraid you'll be tempted?
XENA
Yeah, that's right.
I'll give you a little hint. Gabrielle's in Roman hands
as we speak.
You lie.
CALLISTO
Do I? My lord gave me a thorough briefing as to
what's happened to you and Gabrielle since the
last time we met. I know everything about India
and Eli. Ah-h, so you're not the only clever girl now,
Xena, are you? Gabrielle's on her way to a Roman
prison in the Appenines as we speak. So...about
my offer...
XENA
Get lost.
Oh, but I'm not going anywhere, Xena.
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Come on! Move it!
EXTRA
Move it! Go!
EXTRA
Keep moving!
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Jailer, these prisoners are to be held here.
JAILER
Yes, we've been waiting for them.
BRUTUS
Those crosses. Who are they for?
JAILER
We're expecting a boatload of pirates any day.
No! No!
BRUTUS
No! Don't harm Gabrielle!
Of course not! I'm still useful to you, Brutus!
BRUTUS
Get up!
GABRIELLE
Not until you pardon her for what she just did.
BRUTUS
She attacked one of my men.
GABRIELLE
And I remember a time when mercy was shown
to you!
BRUTUS
(to guards) Put down your swords.
Chain her to the prop.
AMARICE
Oh, please, can't you just break my legs?
EXTRA
Come on, you.
EXTRA
Move it! Get in there.
Nice move.
AMARICE
You know if I had a little backup, maybe I could
have pulled it off.
You don't really think those crosses are for a
boatload of pirates, do you?
BRUTUS
Caesar's never lied to me.
GABRIELLE
There's a first time for everything.
Yah!
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Get the fire.
XENA
Ave, Brutus.
I have a deal for you. You tell me where my friend,
Gabrielle, is and I will give you some information
that will save your stinkin' life. Deal?
Tell you what, you promise to tell me and I will
go first. Do I have you your word?
BRUTUS
And you trust me?
XENA
Everyone says that Brutus is an honourable man.
Do I have your word?
BRUTUS
Yeah.
XENA
Beware the ides of March, Brutus.
BRUTUS
Why the ides of March?
XENA
Because on that day, Caesar will declare himself emperor.
BRUTUS
I don't believe you. Why would he do that?
XENA
Greed, lust for power, an ego the size of the Aegean.
Of course, he plans to rid himself of anyone who
would stand in his way.
BRUTUS
What are you saying?
XENA
He's too smart to kill you in Rome You have much
too much support there. But I have firsthand
knowledge that he's been talking to assassins
in Gaul. So...your turn. Come on Brutus. Gabrielle
saved your life once. Give me a chance to save hers.
BRUTUS
I put her in a prison compound at the foot of Mount
Amaro. I don't believe what you said about Caesar!
XENA
It's your funeral.
Brutus, was it snowing on Mount Amaro?
BRUTUS
Yes, it was snowing when I left.
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ACT THREE
(whispering) I did it.
AMARICE
Did what? You two are sitting there like a couple
of bumps on a log. What could you have done?
ELI
She did nothing.
GABRIELLE
That's right, I did nothing.
AMARICE
We're gonna be nailed to crosses tomorrow morning
and you two are bragging about doing nothing?!
ELI
You don't understand, Amarice. In order to become
a perfect vessel for love, one has to cease
all activity, not only physical, but mental as
well. It's only when you've reached that state of
emptiness, that you're ready, at last, to be filled
with love.
AMARICE
Just in time, too. You'll be able to love the people
who crucify us.
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I just keep coming back. In that way, I'm more
dependable than your chakram. My lord sees
everything Xena and you don't have to go through
with this. I can arrange it for you and Gabrielle
and all her peaceful, little friends to just walk out
of here and no one gets hurt. And you and Gabrielle
can live happily ever after.
XENA
What's the catch?
CALLISTO
Well, there is one little thing. You have to drop
your sword and join Gabrielle in fulfilling a life
of loving kindness.
XENA
I'm still not interested.
That's because you haven't heard it all, yet. I'm
offering you complete serenity.
Go on.
CALLISTO
There's a reason you can't allow you and your
partner peace. It's your guilt. It motivates everything
you do, torments you. Invite me into your soul and
I can purge you of that guilt. I can cleanse
you of that shame that drives you. I
can give you peace if you let me. What's it
gonna be, Xena? Serenity and happiness or another
ride in that wagon with your friend, Gabrielle?
(whispering) Think of your vision.
XENA
You're trying to tempt me from my way by offering
me peace.
CALLISTO
In a nutshell.
XENA
That guilt you're depending on, I put it all behind
me. You see I know now what I have to do. I have
to be the best warrior I can be. To redeem
myself, I have to fight evil with a sword and
that's what I'm gonna do no, matter what the consequences.
(growling) Damn!
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Brutus! Welcome. You deposited our little friend
in a safe place, I trust?
BRUTUS
Yes.
CAESAR
Perfect.
BRUTUS
Caesar...they were building crosses when I
was there.
CAESAR
Of course. You can't have a crucifixion without
crosses Brutus.
BRUTUS
You're crucifying Gabrielle.
CAESAR
All of them.
BRUTUS
But you told me she would be safe. You were
only going to use her as a distraction.
CAESAR
Well, what would distract Xena more than her best
friend's execution, hmm? Tomorrow on the ides
of March, the very day I need Xena most distracted.
BRUTUS
What happens on the ides of March?
CAESAR
I'm going to make an announcement, Brutus.
An announcement that will change history. How
are the troops looking up there?
BRUTUS
Excellent.
CAESAR
Good because in a few days, I want you to take
command of one of those legions, the thirteenth,
if you like. March 'em into Gaul.
BRUTUS
Why Gaul?
CAESAR
I can't tell you that right now, Brutus, but, um,
trust me. Marc Antony! How are you?
I always thought I'd die in battle, not hung on a
cross. Do you think Xena will make it in time?
GABRIELLE
She'll be here.
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All right, let's keep it simple.
I keep the vision from coming true and you leave
Caesar alone.
EXTRA
Yah!
EXTRA
Move along!
(to herself) Okay Xena, you had your chance.
It's Xena!
EXTRA
Find her!
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Xena.
Hey.
I'm so glad to see you!
XENA
Listen that vision is not going to happen, all right?
Here. Take this. Come on, Eli, get up!
All right, let's go!
EXTRA
Hurry!
They're trying to escape!
EXTRA
Get them!
Go ahead! Run!
EXTRA
This way!
GABRIELLE
Come on! Move!
We need more men!
XENA
Go!
EXTRA
Hurry!
XENA
Go!
CALLISTO
No.
Run for the woods! Go!
No!
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Go! Let's go!
No-o-o!
Get up!
XENA
I can't Gabrielle. It's my spine. I can't move.
Interesting.
Uh, uh. Uh-h-h! No, Gabrielle, no!
ACT FOUR
Gabrielle?
(whispering) Xena.
Crying? Don't cry.
GABRIELLE
(whispering) I won't. Rest.
XENA
(whispering) Okay.
It won't be long, now.
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Rome is under threat. I have conclusive proof
that Caesar is responsible.
Friends!
EXTRA
Caesar.
EXTRA
Hail, Caesar.
EXTRA
Most welcome.
BRUTUS
(whispering to a senator) He thinks he's a god.
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I made you leave the way of love. (whispering)
It was my fault.
GABRIELLE
I had a choice: to do nothing or save my friend.
(whispering) I chose the way of friendship.
XENA
(whispering) I'm sorry for all the times I didn't
treat you right.
GABRIELLE
(whispers) Xena, you've brought out the best in
me. Before I met you, no one saw me for who I
was. I felt...invisible. But you saw all the things
that I could be. You saved me, Xena.
XENA
I wish, um...
GABRIELLE
What?
XENA
That I had'a read your scrolls just once.
GABRIELLE
You would have liked them.
XENA
I know.
It's time!
On your feet!
What's the matter, Brutus?
BRUTUS
Do you have anything to tell me?
CAESAR
Tell you? What do you mean?
BRUTUS
About this announcement you're going to make today?
CAESAR
Oh, that. Yes, well, at first you probably won't like
it. But, I plan to persuade you. Are you ready for
your trip to Gaul?
BRUTUS
I'll be ready.
CAESAR
Good.
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Don't give me that confident look. You're about
to die like a slave and drag your friend with you,
and it's all right by me.
XENA
Y--your lord might not feel the same way. He sent
you on a mission, didn't he?
CALLISTO
Making Caesar dictator was His main concern.
And once he's ruling, making him an agent of my
Lord will be easy. So, while you lie here
helpless he's declaring himself emperor.
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Good senators! True patriots of Rome! Your attention,
please! I have an important announcement to make!
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To quell civil unrest-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-I have decided to make an important change
to our government.
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Gabrielle. You were the best thing in my life.
GABRIELLE
I love you, Xena.
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And I must supply the leadership so desperately needed.
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On this day-
-the fifteenth of March-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-I declare myself-
Uh!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
And you Brutus?
Uh! Uh!
(whispering) Gabrielle.
Gabrielle.
STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
GUEST CAST
Hudson Leick as Callisto
Jennifer Sky as Amarice
Timothy Omundson as Eli
Karl Urban as Caesar
David Franklin as Brutus
John Leigh as Nailscot
Sean Ashton-Peach as Jailer
Jim Ngaata as Warlord
Jane Fullerton-Smith as Woman In Hell
Rodney Cook as Spearman
Alan Poppleton as Hanged Man
Written by: R.J. Stewart
Directed by: Ken Girotti
Disclaimer: Xena & Gabrielle were killed during the production of this motion picture.
